you told grandpa to call you daddy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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