I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
