Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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