um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
