I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
