i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
