we have officially lost it.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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