So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
