I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
