My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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