ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
