Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
