I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He kissed a someone with a penis
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
