how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
