Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
