I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
