No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
