You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
