Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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