I just pynch a tree in the face
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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