It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
