Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
