i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
