something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
