Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize