my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
