The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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