Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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