Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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