there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize