He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
