how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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