someone threw a dead crab at me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
