just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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