I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
