'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
