How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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