I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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