i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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