She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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