Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
