we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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