her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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