tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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