thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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