I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
