Whod you bang
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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