I wanna passion pit in your ass
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
