It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
