ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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