walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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