Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
