By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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