i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
