So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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