Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
