What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
