her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
