Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
