I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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