this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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