The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
