you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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