My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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