She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
