i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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