just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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