i don't like sucking hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
